So i read your book, and there you were, on every page, staring at me. But was it YOU?
Something about that book! Must be a reason for it's existence, for it's content. But what?
So i read it again, but... something wasn't right. Could it be a code, a secret message? You see god you staring at me from every page like that prohibited my mind from seeing past you, what was it?
But you thought them well, those who believe in you, thought them never to question you!
Problem is I did, immediate outcast, for i searched to know YOU!
Why cant you leave well enough alone, is all anyone would say. Called me obsessed with you!
Your book left me perplexed, confused. To take it literally seemed senseless!
But then what was it? Why was it? what is its relation to you? who are you? what are you?
WHERE ARE YOU?
So i had to look else where, but where? How could a child in the 80s find answers to questions no one dares to even allow their minds to drift anywhere near?
WHAT AM I?
So i spoke with Mme Irma and walk a while in the steps of Buddha.
Traveled under the shades of UFOs
I drank from every witches' brew i could find, regardless of it's source, but the sum of it all began to take its toll upon my childish little mind.
It began to break apart under so much confusing and conflicting data.
Had i been a computer, the screen would have red:
INPUT ERROR
UN ABLE TO COMPUTE
DATA TYPE MISMATCH
It felt like my own thoughts were at war with themselves!
I had learned of the water cycle, and of the rain being sent by you.
I had heard of evolution, and of ET engineering, and of your instantaneous creation.
I had heard of immunitary system and bacterias and viruses, and of sickness being a punishment from you.
But i knew NOTHING!
Nothing of me!
Nothing of this world!
Nothing of you!
I found the big bang and y2k on the same day.
Sifted through thousands of prophecies.
But i never found YOU along the way!
Then i learned of the atom and of molecules, as my mind began acquiring age.
I learned of DNA and of how it changes over time.
Then i learned of photons and positrons, of neutrinos and neutrons.
I learn of sub atomic behavior and of the quantum field that gave them rise.
I followed evolution backward from us to ape, found nothing missing except YOU!
I followed evolution backward from apes to sea creature, found nothing missing except YOU!
I followed evolution backward from sea creatures to uni-cellular organisms, found nothing missing except YOU!
I followed evolution backward from single cell organisms to simple chemical reactions, found nothing missing except YOU!
I followed evolution backward from simple chemical reactions to the accretion of matter in the formation of our solar system, found nothing missing except YOU!
I followed evolution backward from the formation of our solar system to a gas cloud that spanned some two light years in diameter, found nothing missing except YOU!
I followed evolution backward from a gas cloud to the death of countless stars spread out throughout the universe, found nothing missing but YOU!
I followed evolution backward from the life of countless stars spread out throughout the universe to a universe filled with matter but void of any structure, found nothing missing but YOU!
I followed evolution backward from a universe filled with matter to a universe void of any matter, found nothing missing but YOU!
And there i found nothing but a chaotic electromagnetically active quantum field!
But then i found the most amazing story ever:
MY STORY IN THE UNIVERSE!
It began eons ago, in a void and shapeless universe.
Then one by one, as it did for all the rest, the quantum field gave rise to the parts, the sub atomics, that would today be me.
And there i laid, eons ago, spread out across the universe, with no consciousness to myself.
But slowly the parts started creeping up to me!
Some becoming part of a distant long forgotten sun, others part of a world, a moon, a rock, traveling through space, while others became parts of an ancient alien life.
But as the suns near those parts would go NOVA, they would start traveling again, barreling through space, creeping up to me through the ages.
Eventually the great majority of me found themselves caught in this giant gas cloud that was to become our solar system.
And there i laid, spread out across that gas cloud, without any consciousness to myself, but i kept on creeping up to myself none the less!
The cloud then began to collapse, and i was precipitated, like all the rest of the cloud, as the matter accretion process began.
The materials of the cloud began interacting more strongly, generating all type of compound, long molecular chains and water.
My parts found themselves mixed in this coalescing mess, some being parts of a giant dirty snow ball, some being part of a proto planet, some remained free floating through it all.
And there i laid, spread out across this newly forming solar system, without any consciousness to myself, but creeping up to myself still.
Then a couple billion years ago most of myself was here. on this newly formed world. through the ages, some became part of a fish, some of a dinosaur, some part of a creature's dunk, some part of a blade of grass.
Parts of me spent countless years free floating through our atmosphere, others in the oceans, while others still were in the soils for millenias maybe!
I once laid spread across this world and yet had no trace of consciousness and existence, but still i was creeping up to myself.
But then it happened,some 42 years ago, my consciousness arose in this world!
But it wore a different dust then.
That dust is long gone, it has resumed it journey creeping up to something else, someone else!
New dust has replaced it, same star dust mind you! Born out of the same quantum field that is our universe, all of it with it own unique story.
As i write this, parts of me are resuming their eternal journey through our universe.
As i will eat today new parts will join my body, to support my consciousness.
I found all the dust of my existence, from my arrival to my departure from this world, to be quantum/star dust.
I found in each individual part a rich history, the make up of vast stories.
I found myself a consciousness traveling through that dust, to yield in this world my story.
Becoming intertwined for a time, I found my story temporarily sharing their time line,
And, without consciousness to themselves, I found each part continuing on its journey to further its own story!
CONTINUOUSLY CREEPING UP TO SOMETHING NEW!
FOREVER RECREATING ANEW!
But the one thing i never found, anywhere through it all, is YOU!
But this time removed YOU from every page, and boy was it a different book then!
No longer the holy tale of your divinity, it had become the story of dictators and enslavers justifying their barbarism with imposed religion.
The story of people trying to explain and define the world equipped with nothing but their ignorance to do it.
I found intelligent people trying to set up good values and practices, and the same as before turning those into mockeries of themselves.
I even found people trying to create ways to protect women, in a time where they could easily be made victims, and the same as before turning those into means to dominate them.
But then i began to find actual traces of history, bastardized by the same as before!
I found the origins of many of their tales left in archeological remnants, but without YOU anywhere near them.
AND THEN ONE DAY I FOUND YOUR FIRST BIRTH!
The day the greatest whore that ever lived was born!
I found it sitting by an iceberg, a giant sheet of ice that completely altered life for those living in those days.
Long after the first true scientific discovery of the human race, ASTRONOMY!
Born out of a perceptual nature, extracted from points of light in the night, you were never but the product of our imagination!
BEFORE THAT WE WERE TWO!
On the one hand those who had spent time studying the world, who observed the behaviors of animals, who observed nature, who studied the motions of stars, who noticed the growing cycle, who drew the relation between them all, and who were, because of it, able to erect civilization through a cooperative effort void of imposition.
On the other hand those who didnt, who remained hunter gatherer, who remained warriors, who remained based in the alpha male of animal life, who remained violent and ignorant.
BUT THEN FELL THE ICE!
THEN ROSE THE SEAS!
THEN CIVILIZATIONS DISAPPEARED!
THEN THEY ENCOUNTERED EACH OTHER FOR THE FIRST TIME IN AGES!
One, of the stars, understood the rhythm of their motion.
The other, of the same, had tale and legends they would tell each other at night, to entertained themselves.
The mighty warrior and the blessed hunter, the elusive pray and the evil invaders, all had a story in the stars, immortalized.
AND THERE WERE YOU BORN!
OUT OF THE BAD MARRIAGE BETWEEN SCIENCE AND MYTHOLOGY!
And there for the first time, in our young human history did you leave a scare so deep that to this day humanity cant seem to be able to find a way to heal it.
Yes there where for the first time, out of fear of YOU, did a group of humans commit genocide in your name!
MYTHOLOGIES PROHIBIT ADAPTATION TO CHANGE, IN A GOD UNIVERSE!
And they couldn't adapt to the true nature of the stellar precession!
YOU WERE A LION, THEN!
BUT THE OLD LION HAD TURNED AROUND!
IT WAS TIME TO SOW IN CANCER!
It took thousands of years for this knowledge to be acquired by the first, but only a couple years for the second!
CAIN STUBBORNLY SOWED THE FIELD A MONTH TOO LATE!
Ignorance, arrogance, envy, cupidity, stubbornness, proclaimed in your name that knowledge was a lie, an insult to you!
AND THE FOOLS FOLLOWED HIM IN HIS MADNESS!
This, dear god, is your true birth, the first one.
Before that you were a problem to no one. The first simply found the second funny, but armless, in their venerations to a star formation!
But nature can't be forced, it bends to no one's will.
The first group had full harvest, while the second didnt.
Ignorance, arrogance, jealousy, hatred, there in your name was the first slaughtering of humans by humans.
ON THE DAY OF YOUR BIRTH WAS BORN THE CONCEPT OF MULTIPLE HUMAN RACES!
But it dissipated through time, as they spread out through the region, fleeing the horror of what they had done in your name.
It took thousands of years before you finally acquired a human face.
The work of one people, ignorant, arrogant, stubborn.
And because of it they yielded the first men made disaster, as they polluted their sole water source and almost destroyed the entire region in the process.
But it is still later that your TRUE birth came, when a descendant of those same people decided to marry that whore and invented himself a bastard child with her, a divine messiah to insure the longevity of his kingdom.
BUT IT WAS SHORT LIVED!
HE INSTALLED HIS REIGN TO BLOODSHED!
AND HIS CLAIM TO YOUR ABSOLUTNESS MADE HIS FOLLOWER WEAK!
They remained ignorant and barbaric, the tried to fight all who werent like them, and fought profusely amongst themselves for power and beliefs.
YOU THINK IT'D BE ENOUGH TO SEE YOU TO YOUR END BUT ALAS!
Another chose to marry that whore, 13 centuries later, and to adopt her bastardized messianic child in the process. This true emperor, son of the son of an emperor, now adorned with your emblem, attempted to conquer the world, slaughtering countless in your name in the process.
AND CONQUER HE DID!
Then another 2 centuries had past when another decided again to remarry that whore, equipped with the knowledge of what the the emperor had succeeded by doing so, he conquered the entire Middle East.
AND AS YOU CAN SEE GOD MY STORY IS MUCH BETTER THAN YOURS!
Yours is one of the inventions of races and racism, of sexism and misogyny. Yours is one of countless wars and slaughtering of countless innocents. Yours is one of absolute denials of human rights to any and every one. Yours is one of domination and dictatorship.
YOURS IS A STORY OF ABSOLUTE BARBARISM!
And now, after all this time, the descendant of those three mad men are dreaming of going all out on each other in the hope to be the rulers of the world, in your name.
Oh, and don't bother yourself trying to set me strait by coming to explain your alleged truths and secrets and plan to me hoping i'll repeat it on to the world, cause that would have been done privately and will remain in my intimacy.
Don't bother yourself telling to any individuals, hoping they'll set me or the world strait. What is said privately in intimacy should remain there.
And if WE of the human race aren't worthy of you explaining it all to us, if we must wait for you to reveal your secret plans at the moment of your choosing, then we will simply do without you!
I know that some deluded believers would say, "But when you reached that universe void of matter, when nothing but a quantum field was left, HOW DID THAT COME TO BE IF NOT BY GOD?" i would simply say the following:
1) How can you reconcile your absolute interventionist all knowing god theories to this point?
BECAUSE
2) If you must move that far back to find god, then this interventionist/creator concept becomes bereft of logical means to substantiate itself.
AND AS SIDDHARTHA GAUTAMA WOULD HAVE SO ELEGANTLY SAID:
3) This is precisely the kind of thinking the will lead you to insanity!
IN CONCLUSION?
if you really think that this letter is actually intended to god, you didn't read it properly!
And that's my rant for the day!
Wishing you peaceful but event filled lives!
Stéphane Vincent
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